Slowly, slowly...

Uh... my reading is still painfully slow. So slow I just want to give up trying to actually read the sentence and just guess. 
Now I know how the kids at school "who can't read good", or people with dyslexia, feel. :-( Not fun. Very stressful.
Right now I wish I was a teacher... I would put the kids on the first class, who can read, to read some other writing system :-D For example Korean. So that they understand, that everyone in the class understands, that no-one was born able to read. Everyone has to learn it to be able to do it, and some people take longer time than others.
Also, I would find out what everyone does well, and let them shine doing that, because not everyone will become good at things, how ever much they practice and train and do it.

And suddenly I was back at school... I remember the teachers making a big deal of this one kid who was a good actor. He was, he was amazing. I mean, he was 10 and actually acted! Not just mechanically repeated the words and moved from one spot to another like the rest of us.
And I remember being so jealous of him.
I was like... Not one of the teachers ever told me that I was good at something. My best friend, a year younger than I was, told me later that our teacher told them how good I was at things. He never told me. They just... seemed to expect of me that I was good. I was put to do things, like if something had to be drawn, I did it, if someone needed to participate in some sport event, like run in the cross country competition, I did it. In every subject, I was expected to deliver the answer. And I always did.
I mean... now I think that I must have been good, but... I still don't believe it.
I wasn't even a straight A student. In Finland we had a grading system from 4 to 10, 4 being unacceptable and 10 being perfect. I had a lot of 7s and 8s. 7 is mediocre, average. I just don't get it. I mean... I always had the right answers, everyone came to me to ask things, I was good at art and singing and sports and maths and languages and knew more than most people know in their lifetime already when I was 10, because I love to read and find things out, I love science and history and the world and everything! But I was never rewarded for it. And I don't understand why. And why didn't my parents do anything about it? I would. I would go to the school and ask why the teacher things my child is mediocre, when we both know very well they are not. They are exceptional, talented, intelligent, good kids, and they deserve better. So what does the teacher think my kids need to do more to get better grades? I still don't know what I would have needed to do differently.
And it's like... I will never be good enough. Even when I am exceptional, talented, intelligent and good, I will not be enough. For some inexplicable reason.

Well... er... sorry about that. Just that... I'm getting anxious over not reading well, even though there is no reason why I should read well, and no-one will know unless I tell them. And even if they know, they probably aren't there judging me, because most people will never even try learning to read Korean, and I at least manage, even when I don't read well. And this is Duolingo, where I can take the whole day to go through one lesson.

Hmm... Ich habe einen Sprachtest gemacht. Es ging nicht so gut. Aber Ich wusste es. Ich habe mein Deutsch seit Jahren nicht benutzt. Der einzige Weg ist nach oben. Es ist irgendwie komisch ... im Moment sieht es okay aus, aber ich bin mir sicher Ich werde es in Zukunft lesen und lache über mein schlechtes Deutsch.

Tietenkin pitää logata näidenkin kielten käyttö, vaikka onkin äidinkieleni ja se toinen kotimainen ja nykyinen kotikieleni. Eihän se että jokin kieli on äidinkieli, tarkoita sitä että se pysyy täydellisenä lopun ikää vaikkei sitä käyttäisikään. Eihän se pysy. Onhan tämä suomea, muttei kovin hyvää enää. Vielä 20 vuotta sitten oli ihan täydellistä, mutta kun ei sitä käytä, se katoaa. Mikä on surullista, mutta hyvää tässä on se, että minun tarvitsee vain lukea niin on taas ihan hyvä kieli :-D
Olen nyt menossa Suomeen kuukauden päästä, ja ajattelin käydä kirjastossa ja hankkia e-kortti, että voin käyttää kirjastojen e-kirjakokoelmaa ja lukea kirjoja suomeksi. Voinhan aina lukea niitä kirjoja mitä meillä kotona on, mutta olisi kivempaa lukea uusia kirjoja.
Toisaalta, ostin useampi vuosi sitten Jules Vernen kirjat sinä halpapainoksena, lyhennettynä ja vähän oudosti käännettynä, joka julkaistiin joskus 80-luvulla kun Verne oli muotia. (Oli ainakin Suomessa... olikohan missään muualla?)

Par contre, je devrais vraiment les lire en français. Après tout, ils sont tous en ligne, librement accessibles et je peux lire le français.

Jo, alltså jag använder svenska varje dag, så den är OK. Givetvis är den inte perfekt, för jag är inte svensk, svenska är inte mitt modersmål, och den har de där hemska prepositionerna och artiklar och andra sådana onödiga, obegripliga saker som är svåra för finnar. :-D

I really want to learn Hungarian properly for several reasons.
1) It is one of the few existing languages related to Finnish
2) It is harder than Finnish - more cases and phonemes! Yay!
3) In my genealogy (which is pure blue and white for at least 10 generations) there is one Hungarian woman, so "it's my family language" :-D There's also one Walloon.